You Can Lead a Horse to the Water. . .

I yelled at my kids today, I felt terrible for it. I think it might have something to do with my air conditioning and PMS. This was the last time I'd meet with them before their midterm, so I gave them a study guide to go over in class. They begged for something to study, but then changed their minds and decided to do other things like talk, go to the toilet, start doing their make up and hair. . .

And then I yelled at them. I'm not proud of it, but I have to say that once I did it, I was on a roll. The berating took at least five minutes. I told them things like: "This isn't my test, it's your test!" "I'm not the one trying to get a job in tourism!" "You're all going to fail if you don't listen!" "Help me help you!" "I don't want to see you end up in the sex industry taking orders from a snaggle toothed pimp!"
Okay maybe not the last one, but you know where my heart was.
The room got sullen and they were quiet. To add to my point and to prevent myself from hitting one of them, I left the room. I didn't want to shout anymore and I didn't need to do anything silly. I had a headache of epic proportions and I needed a "time out."

Is this what parenting is like?

I felt like a monster for letting my temper get the best of me. When I got back the classroom, they acted a little more civilized and wanted to cooperate. In the end, I got what I wanted, but I felt terrible in the process. But these kids. . .
The majority of the students in my school are girls who are incredibly beautiful, but incredibly dumb or unmotivated or self-absorbed. I blame this on a lot of things: for one, it's their age, of course. I can't say I was all that motivated when I was sixteen, but I at least did my work. Another thing, is the commercialized pop culture that they live in, where everything revolves around clothes, makeup, hair, music, and boys. Not necessarily in that order.

The sad things is, if they don't make it in this vocational school, there's no way they are headed to college. For many this is the last stop in school anyway. Maybe I wasn't too far off when I said I didn't want them to end up in the sex industry. Because if they don't get their shit together, that is certainly where their beauty is going to lead them.

If I had it my way, they'd all become flight attendants, bankers, tour guides, hotel managers, and restaurant hostesses. That's what I'd like to see from them. But the reality is, and believe it or not, it just came to me: Students have to want it for themselves. That's the most disheartening part. I could shout at them til I'm blue in the face, but it won't help. Those who just aren't into school, just aren't. I have to remind myself to focus on the ones that are. That's just one more control issue, I have to let go of. Not everyone wants to be here; not all of them can be saved. I have to give my all to those who can be.